The surgery on April 6 went well. Aside from the major problems with getting the IV in before surgery – a problem I’ve never had before – everything went really well. I was in and out and headed to the hotel in what seemed like no time. That “no time” feeling was quite possibly related to the anesthesia. This round was a doozy in terms of waking up and being coherent.

My vague memory is trying to stay awake after the surgery. I would try to focus on something so I pulled out my trusty phone, but would pass out asleep before I could actually focus. That didn’t stop me from trying though. So over and over as they wheeled me to the front door to be picked up and as we drove to the hotel, I would startle awake, then try to get on Facebook so I could focus on something and stay awake. Then I would fall right back asleep again.

My dear husband still hasn’t mentioned these embarrassing moments to me so I appreciate that from him. I also cannot be held accountable for anything I liked, commented or otherwise engaged with on social media that day. I would wake up, having conked out mid-read, and realize that I had liked something, played some video or wound up on on some strangers page.

Alan and I stayed in the Houston Galleria area. We have found that area to be pretty cost effective while also being fairly close to the medical district. In the medical district, you are looking at $200+/night hotel rooms a lot of the time. In the Galleria area, you can Priceline a hotel room for $90/night, and it is only about a 15-minute drive. It took us a couple years to discover this secret, but it is definitely a good one to know.

Alan drove us back to the hotel, but in the Galleria area, parking is not always easy. Our hotel had a detached parking garage that required a bit of walking, and I was not steady on my feet at all. Walking on any kind of incline would have been a bad idea. So, he stopped right by the door of the hotel, walked me in and sat me in a chair to wait for him to park. All I remember is completely conking out and every few minutes, startling myself awake only to realize that I’ve been conked out sitting up in this chair. I’m sure business men in the lobby thought I was intoxicated. I continued my social media engagement throughout this time as well.

Good times.

So, in the end, the surgery was a success in my eyes. The terrible amount of rippling is almost entirely resolved. The symmetry issues are about 75% better. I know things will never be perfect, but I feel so much better about where I am now vs. where I was prior to the surgery.

The only issues I am disappointed (but not regretful) about is that they fat grafted from my stomach, and I’m not sure if it is the support garment that I wore or just how he grafted the fat, but I have a major indention above my belly

I have to say that I felt really selfish for having this surgery. It was completely elective. I felt guilty for the expense of it. I felt guilty for being away from work. I felt guilty for being not 100% for our family for awhile because of it. I even felt guilty that I wasn’t happy with these results when I know there are some many Stage 4 lifers who would kill to be in my position of being cancer-free- something they will never be.

All of this guilt was incredibly self-inflicted, but made it hard to make the decision to do this. I’m working on letting go of guilt like that, and having results that look so much better definitely makes this easier.

My hope and prayer is that when everything has settled and healed, I will feel like things are “good enough.” I wanted to feel like that before this surgery and just couldn’t quite get there.